All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
