you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
