If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
