she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
