Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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