matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
