I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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