I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
