Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
