She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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