Please, let me fuck your mom
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Green mimosas i think yes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
