Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
