somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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