Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
