just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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