OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
