we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
