I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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