he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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