She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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