He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
