apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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