a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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