But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
two words: eviction party
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
