he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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