hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
