there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
