john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
