I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
