it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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