I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
