Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
