I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
