sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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