when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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