there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
