i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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