My Higher Power is John Stamos
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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