...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
