I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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