Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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