god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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