hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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