yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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