Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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