He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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