if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
