About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
