I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
