just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
