I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
